I have a confession. It took me six years of living in the Netherlands to start speaking the language. I know, this is not a badge of honor. It’s embarrassing, but if you speak to a lot of long-term expats, you will find that this is a common phenomenon.
After all, in my five years living in Eindhoven, I got by just fine only speaking English.But my social interactions with strangers thrived on four tiny words:
“Do you speak English?”
Whether spoken in English or Dutch, it has the same effect and most times, the response you get is “Of course.”
Living in the English bubble
The Netherlands is a unique ecosystem where the majority of people speak English and the percentage of internationals is high in cities. EF ranked the Netherlands No. 1 in its 2023 English Proficiency Index and some estimate that 90 percent of the population speaks conversational English.
I relied on this crucial phrase for years. It was my crutch and I lived in a nice, tidy expat bubble. It was easy and comfortable, but I realized it had to stop.
Some of you reading this may say, “No, that would NEVER happen to me.”
Well, let me paint you a picture:
You get a contract from a large tech company in the Netherlands. They entice you by saying it’s an English-speaking workplace and so many Dutch people speak English fluently. You move abroad, assuming you will be here for two or three years before returning home.
You don’t ‘waste’ your time learning Dutch or taking language lessons because all of your co-workers speak English to you and you won’t be here that long. Sure, you can’t understand all of the water-cooler talk and it feels awkward that many meetings or out-of-work social interactions need to switch to English because of your mere presence. But, hey, it’s easy to forget these situations a few minutes later.
You like living here. You may meet a partner or perhaps your children integrate into the school system.
The years slip by.
You take a few Dutch lessons and complete some Duolingo levels, but very halfheartedly. When you do try to speak some Dutch phrases, the other person responds that they speak English.
Even though you feel like you “should” speak Dutch, you don’t see the need since everyone speaks English. It’s hard to make the effort. Soon when people ask how long you’ve lived here, you are embarrassed to respond because you still speak zero Dutch.
This situation that I sketched out above is completely normal for the Netherlands and it’s hard to re-establish social patterns, even if you want to learn to speak Dutch. You almost have to exit your existing surroundings to start speaking Dutch.
I know. I did just that.
My Dutch sucked … until it didn’t
I moved from the buzzing-expat-heavy city of Eindhoven to a smaller city in the province of Limburg. While it was still a city and not a small village, it was not a cosmopolitan mecca. Although many people knew English and would probably fit into this 90 percent statistic, they didn’t feel comfortable speaking it. People would sooner switch to German with me than English. And while there were expats, it was a very small group.
I quickly realized that if I wanted to talk to anyone, I would have to brush up on my Dutch.
I blundered. I faltered. I spoke like a three-year-old.
I felt embarrassed because, here I was – a 30-something woman – who spoke like a child.
I persevered. I had no option unless I wanted to hide in my apartment all day with no one to talk to (okay, this is an option, but not one many people should choose). I couldn’t break out my old faithful phrase “Do you speak English?” because I knew that most people would say “no” or “only a little bit.”
Day after day, I spoke to neighbors, store clerks and hairdressers in broken, simple Dutch. I floundered … until one day I didn’t.
The day someone complimented my Dutch, I almost laughed. I still had a long way to go. But you know what? I also almost cried because I had come a long way.
I felt like I had integrated.
This time in my life wasn’t so long ago. I’ve moved to another smaller city that prefers Dutch over English for most interactions. I’m still not fluent in Dutch, but I understand a good deal and can get my point across. I talk with my neighbors, doctors and my children’s teachers. I make small talk in the schoolyard with other parents and they don’t automatically switch to English.
I still talk in English and it feels the most comfortable because I understand every detail of the conversation.
One day, I’ll also get there in Dutch … as long as I keep that tempting phrase out of my vocabulary. Instead, I’ll say, “Natuurlijk. Ik spreek Nederlands.”
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Read more about the Netherlands here in Dispatches’ archives.
Lane Henry is an accidental long-term expat. She is an American who came to the Netherlands for two years—or so she thought. She has now lived in the Netherlands and explored Europe for over a decade.
