My 70-plus year old parents just visited my husband and me in Gothenburg, Sweden, for the second time. I’ve learned that hosting older parents abroad takes a little more planning and consideration than you might have expected.
The walking adds up
When you first move to Europe, you imagine showing visitors your favorite cafés, the beautiful old streets, the weekend markets, and all the places that made you fall in love with your new home. Then you remember that what feels like an easy afternoon walk to you is several miles over uneven, hilly cobblestone streets to them. Remind them to bring sturdy, comfortable shoes!
Living here changes your perspective. Walking 20 minutes to dinner feels completely normal (while driving 45 minutes to a restaurant doesn’t anymore). Taking a bus, then a tram, followed by another 10 minute walk barely registers. But for someone visiting from suburban America, where driving is the default, especially older parents, that can feel like an exhausting trek. Add in waiting for public transportation and standing on crowded trams, and it’s easy to see why.
Slow down the itinerary
I’ve also realized that I need to let go of the idea that they have to see everything. It’s much better for them to enjoy one museum and a leisurely lunch than to spend the day rushing between attractions just because I’m excited to show them as much as possible.
Staying within their limits means they won’t feel exhausted after the first few days.
Choose Comfort
Sometimes driving or paying for an Uber instead of everyone buying public transit tickets is the better choice, financially as well as physically. Sometimes skipping a famous viewpoint because it requires a steep climb is the right decision. The goal, after all, is making sure they’re enjoying their time with you, not checking every landmark off a list.
Accommodations are another thing to consider. Many European buildings are old, which means lots of stairs and very few elevators. If your apartment requires climbing several flights of stairs with luggage or simply isn’t comfortable for guests, a nearby hotel or Airbnb might be the better option.
My parents stayed with us, but we gave them our bedroom because our guest room is currently overflowing with baby things. We wanted them to be as comfortable as possible.
Finding food that works
Food can be interesting, too. I love introducing visitors to local dishes, but I’ve learned that not every meal has to be an adventure. After a week of unfamiliar menus, your parents might be happier with a sandwich or a bowl of pasta than another traditional Swedish meal.
My mom has a very strict diet, so we often ate at home while she prepared her own meals. When we did eat out, she’d check the menu online ahead of time to make sure there was something she could eat or modify. She worried that asking for substitutions would be considered rude, but we assured her that restaurants are generally happy to accommodate reasonable requests.
They’re visiting your life
Of course, your parents want to experience a new country, but they’re mainly coming to see your life. They’re often just as interested in where you buy groceries, your favorite bakery, or the little park you walk through every day. Those ordinary places are what make the home they’ve heard so much about finally feel real.
My mom told me that now, when we talk on the phone, she’ll be able to picture where I am and imagine the places I’m describing.
Set expectations early
It’s also worth talking about expectations before they arrive. How much walking are they comfortable with? How much resting and relaxation do they want to have? Are there things that they really want to see? Will you be working while they’re visiting? A quick conversation beforehand helps everyone stay on the same page and avoids disappointment.
What they’ll remember most
When your parents visit, it’s not your job to give them the perfect European vacation.
It’s to let them experience the life you’ve built; the coffee at our neighborhood café, conversations and board games at our kitchen table, and bumping into our neighbors at the mall.
One lovely thing about Sweden is all the beautiful clear lakes where people don’t think twice about swimming. My husband and I love to paddle board, but since this isn’t possible for my parents, we found a place where we could rent a row boat for very cheap. This ended up being one of my parents’ favorite things we did; and my stepfather turned out to be an expert-level rower!
If our guests left feeling like they spent quality time with us and got to know our life in Sweden a little better, I consider the visit a success! And I’m sure they agree.
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Read more about Sweden here in Dispatche’s’ archives.
See more from Jill here.
Jess Bretin
Jess Bretin is a communications and content specialist, and an American living in Gothenburg, Sweden. While in the states, she spent 2 years on the road living in a van and visited every state. She then married a Frenchman, so she has spent alot of time in France. Jess is also a singer/songwriter in a rock band and loves to cook and stand-up paddle board.
See her posts here:
• Walk like a Swede, talk like a Swede: How to make friends in Sweden
• Chistmas in Sweden: Tradition, light and togetherness
• The cost of living in Sweden 2025: What's actually going on.
