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‘#LivingTheDream: Expat Life Stripped Bare’: Shining a light on untold stories of expat life

(Editor’s note: This interview with Carrie Frais about “#LivingTheDream: Expat Life Stripped Bare” is provided courtesy of Shaw Marketing Services. Dispatches receives no remuneration for this post.)

During COVID, expat, author and editor Carrie Frais compiled an anthology of personal and powerful stories to reveal some of the harsher realities of expat life. In the book “#LivingTheDream: Expat Life Stripped Bare,” 10 women share the emotional and practical realities of life away from “home.”

A few years on, Dispatches Europe caught up with editor Carrie Frais to find out more and see if anything has changed since the book first came out.

What made you write the book?

The isolation of Covid gave us all time to think more, whether we liked it or not. Too much time! Some of the realities of my personal situation that I had pushed to the back of my mind during busier times were brought to the fore: the acceptance that my parents were gone for good, that I no longer had my childhood home and with it, my ties to the UK. This, coupled with Brexit and the uncertainty that Covid brought, gave me a palpable feeling of rootlessness.

In anxious moments I tend to write things down, hence the idea for the anthology.

I spoke to friends and colleagues about the idea of putting together a collection of essays about the challenges of living away from one’s native “home” and soon discovered that there were many expat women who were having similar feelings but due to different situations; from struggles with alcohol and single parenting to cultural challenges and divorce.

What do you hope readers will gain from it?

Carrie Frais

I hope that our stories are relatable not just for expats but for any women or men who have undergone challenging moments in their life. Many people have been in touch after reading the book saying that at least one of the stories resonated and not just because it was related to them being an expat. There are common threads which run throughout the collection such as loneliness, isolation, loss of purpose, rootlessness, restlessness – feelings which I think were all heightened during the pandemic.

Since the pandemic, we’ve seen a surge in interest from potential expats looking to relocate to Spain now that they can work remotely. The new Labour government is triggering more interest, particularly from the wealthy with concerns over future tax changes. I hope the book will help those planning the move to be able to look behind the curtain and read real stories of expat life. These honest stories should help them to make an informed decision on whether to move or not.

Has anything changed now you’re out of the other side of the pandemic?

I think from a British person’s perspective there is a relief that we are living here and got out of the UK in time. We’re hearing so many stories of people desperate to emigrate from the UK, but being restricted due to Brexit.  I feel lucky to be here and while there will always be a feeling of a slight lack of sense of belonging, the longer I stay in a place the more it definitely feels like “home.”

I think I see less people coming and going now, as the friends I have are the ones who have decided to stay for good, or for as long as they can. Unfortunately, some are forced to return. Problems arise with elderly parents getting ill or passing away back “home,” which a lot of my friends are struggling with. Also, marriage/relationship breakdowns seem to be more prevalent in the expat world, which can lead to requirements to make a change and in some cases return to the safety net of friends and family.

What has your expat journey been like?

At times wonderful and at other times extremely tough. I made the personal decision to move to Spain so I was aware that I was putting myself into a situation which would incur more challenges than if I had decided to stay in the UK. However, I probably was not prepared for the severe emotional turmoil after losing both my parents and the rollercoaster of feelings that grief brings, which I think for me were brought into sharper focus being away from “home” – a place that is no longer home, one of the many difficult realities to come to terms with.

Having said that, whilst the lows have been very low, some of the highs have been amazing.

Buying a home close to the mountains, the sea and the vibrant hub of Barcelona was a dream that did become a reality.

Having trilingual children who can seamlessly switch from one language to the next and engage in different cultures fills me with huge pride. So, the lows are generally outweighed by the highs.

How did you choose the stories to feature?

Via my work with MumAbroad I have come across some truly remarkable women with some fascinating backstories. I also have friends who have chosen to live abroad and who I knew had also faced some major challenges. I wanted to mix up the experiences to show that challenges can come in different forms, not just through linguistic or cultural barriers as many people would think.

What tips would you give for anyone wanting to make expat life in Spain work for them?

Do your research thoroughly – from setting up a business or finding employment to finding out about networking groups and the local community. There is so much to know about moving abroad and unexpected curve balls will continually be thrown your way. If you are well prepared for some of the challenges then you will find that you will appreciate all the more the amazing benefits that living in a foreign country brings.

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“#LivingTheDream: Expat Life Stripped Bare” is available here on Amazon books.

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